Dear Marketing Department

Dear Marketing Department,

I am writing this to inform you that your message to me is clear. Decades of more and more creative ways of wasting my time and generally inconveniencing me have done a wonderful job of conveying the depth of your contempt for myself and, I presume, the rest of your employers' customer base.

Today's incident was particularly inspired, however. I'm used to your habit of extending normal business transactions with a pitch for some irrelevant product or service. However, today's just happened to be for something that I could perhaps want. Furthermore, your peon caught me in a good mood and I was willing to overlook the intrusion.

Against my better judgement, I asked a relevant question, a simple one. Your underpaid minion behaved in exactly the way you had instructed her. She told me she didn't know the answer but she could have someone call me when it was most inconvenient.

So yes, the message is very clear. Still, I can't help but think that you're not really getting your money's worth here. Wouldn't it be simpler to go the direct route? Perhaps you could just send out a postcard every couple of months.

On one side, there would be a suitably vile picture--the image, for example or maybe just a horse's ass--you can vary it to your heart's content. And on the other side, you'd put some text. Something like:

The marketing department would like to remind you that we consider you a waste of skin, worth only the few dollars we can skim from you. Please die.

This would, I think, convey your message just as clearly and at considerable cost savings to you. You could use the extra money to, say, snort cocaine of a hooker's ass more often.

Hey, go nuts! Hookers and coke dealers need to make a living too.



#   Posted 2007-01-06 18:52:00 UTC; last changed 2014-04-27 00:55:14 UTC